Part 2: Disconnect

Why am I here?

Part 1 of my journey in Bali, including the flights and first 3 days started to open up the chapter of "Why am I here?" Why am I meeting my self again in the season that never fails to arise...seeking adventure. 

As I mentioned in my last blog, there are two things that are innate to my being...my family is my heart and traveling is my soul. There is something about being in a country, a place where you know no comfort, except the starbucks that you stopped at like the westerner you are. Ugh, go away inner thought...I'm typing here. Being uncomfortable is something I have always craved. Why? I think because I have felt such positive effects it has on my life since I was brave enough to walk on that path from time to time. I know what you're thinking, you JUST talked about how much change you went through, that wasn't enough? Apparently not, sass pants. Like I mentioned though, yes...I love adventure. I love not knowing a culture. I love being reminded just how small of a place I hold in this world, but how important it is that I carry my life in a way to be proud of. I love not knowing the language. Questioning the food that gets put in front of me...(y'all remember that time I accidentally ordered a guinea pig in Peru?) Everything there is to traveling, the good, bad and ugly...it always helps me when I get back home. It helps me in my relationships. It helps me with my interpersonal skills. Ok Ok we get it, go travel. 

It was Day 4 of my journey here in Bali. Why am I here? I'm here...on a small island, far away from the noise of my reality...not to run away but to allow myself some distance from my own natural habits that kept me from doing what I needed to do. Reflect, Disconnect and Reconnect. 

THIS WAS IT. This was the part I had been waiting for, Ubud. To me, Ubud meant a spiritual journey, lush land and some serious tranquility. I expected tears, writing, rice fields and waterfalls. I begin my ride to Ubud which is about an hour and a half away. In Ubud I would have waiting a retreat center style stay. Far in the hills of Ubud, with daily meditation and yoga and of course......do you really need another massage? 100% yes I do! 

The same driver I had on the second ride that offered me to take his Whatsapp number, picked me up. He was kind, older and had decent English so he was able to tell me a bit about the places we were passing. I figured that's exactly what I wanted when having to be in the car for an hour and a half. Since this was the morning after I drank too much (She's sorry Mom, feel free to wack her on the head when you see her) I had a bottle of water but asked the driver, Wayan was his name. I asked Wayan if he would mind stopping somewhere so I can get a cup of coffee. "Yes, yes lady we will stop for coffee" I said don't worry, just whenever we pass one. You should have clarified your lack of ability to function in a conversation without it. 

We are about 40 minutes into the drive, it was beautiful and we were finally away from the noise of Kuta and into what felt like, Bali. Maybe he forgot I wanted coffee? No way he did. Maybe he didn't realize I meant BEFORE we get to the hotel? Maybe I didn't ask with enough conviction that indicated my NEED for it. "Excuse me Wayan, are we still stopping for coffee?" Yes lady, coffee up here. After about another 10 minutes he pulls off to the side of the road. I see the words coffee, but see no coffee machine. no coffee maker. no ice. I'm confused. He tells me we are here. I get out...thinking, what in the actual fuck. Does coffee mean the same thing here as it does in my world? I go with the outwardly go with the flow while my internal voice is in an absolute fuss. Where is the damn coffee? Why is this so difficult? Water. Coffee Beans. Cup. Ice. Straw. MAKE. IT. HAPPEN. The lady out front greeted me and had me follow her, into a garden...as she begins to explain the plants we are passing, the different types of coffee beans that are growing. Am I on a freaking coffee tour? Shit. 

It's official, I'm on a coffee plantation tour. Might as well just go with it Shayna...surely there will be tasters. She explains the different types of coffees, the animals that are in the cage..a Luwak. It's like a mix of a meerkat and a ferret. The Luwak eats the coffee beans, ferments it inside its stomach and then they search for the coffee beans in their poop like the lady trying to find my Airpod in her cleavage. (Clearly I'm scarred) What is it with you and animal poo Shayna? The elephant animal poo paper in Thailand and now the Luwak coffee beans in Bali. Get a new hobby. She then takes me to the part where they roast the beans after washing them...I get to help cook them with Grandma of the plantation. I have never felt so tall in my life...this is where I belong. Tall and Mighty I am! 

FINALLY!! Tasting session...WTF is that tea? tea! NO, I need coffee. Don't worry all, the coffee was after the tea. Still, tasters was not my hope when I said "stop for coffee" Oh well, chug ALL THE TASTERS! So, I did. The classiness I hope to maintain will be out the window when I admit to this, the best one was the Luwak poo coffee. *gasp* 

Alright, get me out of here because I want to check into my hotel and have real coffee. You want to go to Bali Swing? It's 2 minutes. Sheeeeeit yaaa! Insta worthy pictures were ahead. I waited there, not sure why I was waiting and couldn't get on the swing...when I realized I was waiting for this little Balinese man to come in his flip flops and cigarette so that he could be the one to push me. They "strap" me in, hardly...and pull me far back. I SCREAMED, at the edge of the cliff was just that, a cliff. How did I not realize this? If I flew off, that was it. Is an instagram picture worth the risk?American woman dies off Bali swing. It was too late, I was on that swing, they kept yelling, let go for picture...my "let go" was so stiff because I had a panic attack mid air. I swung back, over the safe land and felt a VERY strong push from the little Balinese man. WTF dude, we got the pic I didn't ACTUALLY want to swing. I screamed again, because I now had gone higher. Get me off of this thing. He finally understood "no more" after about 3 times. Apparently "NO MORE" is not a universal message.

Adrenaline rush was in full effect, I hardly even cared to check the pictures. We get in the car to continue to my hotel, up windy roads...between the swing and these roads I was incredibly sick. I for sure was going to yack. Thank heavens we are finally at Blue Karma Nestling Ubud, home for the next 4 days. 

I cannot begin to explain the absolute bliss and tranquility I felt upon entering. THIS is why I came to Bali. An infinity pool overlooking the jungle, an open aired restaurant with healthy juices and exquisite dishes. Exquisite? Shayna, humble yourself. You grew up eating Baker's...just remember that. Actually, now I want Baker's. Dang it. 

Back to the point, they give me the key to my room, which was an ACTUAL key, not a magnetic card. It was hanging from a little wooden sculpture. Imagine a Tiki guy, but the Indonesian version. They direct me to my room, which was a small villa in a tree style hut through a path rock paved path amounst the lush jungle trees, we passed the Yoga area, the day bed cabanas...I walk into my room and OH. MY. GAWD. 

I could stay in here forever. The attention to details in this room was so so appreciated. I had a bath bowl made of ceramic that could easily of fit 3 people...please note that I didn't even try to fit 2. Promise Mom. 

I had a writing desk, bean bag chairs to sit and have my morning coffee while overlooking the jungle view. I could not of asked for more. There was no site of a television anywhere in this retreat, villa, etc. and that was so perfect. Here I was going to write, relax, read...do all the things I wanted to do. I arranged the meditation sessions for the upcoming 3 days, the Yoga classes and my massage. They also had morning walks through the rice fields, cooking classes and a class on how to make what we would refer to as tiger balm. I wanted to do it all.

But first, I wanted to go explore Ubud Center. They had free shuttle service down to the city center every two hours. I went down just to look and get a feel for where I was. Everything. Everything is perfect. Sure enough, I saw that Starbucks that was bound to be here. But I also saw the market that all the goods from the nearby villages come to sell as souvenirs. I saw the shops, the massage spas, the coffee shops and cafes. It was still a busy town, but much more calm. People were dressed like hippies and there was far more solo women and men walking the streets in what you could just feel was them searching for a new part of their soul. There are certain moments when you are traveling and it suddenly just occurs to you...AH. You are in Bali! You are living. This is your reality. This is who you are. This is what you wanted and this is what you are doing. It's a very fun moment and brings such a joy that only new experiences have ever brought me. 

I came to disconnect, so I did. I may have posted a lot on my stories, so that you may all get to see a glimpse of what I'm doing...but little did I know, I was disconnecting from much more than my phone and reality. I was disconnecting from the perspectives and weights I felt back home. Like I mentioned, I had been dealing with more change and navigating grief that I was unfamiliar with. So although I was essentially alone in Texas, which was a new place for me...I still was having to face the reality of my world without having a real chance to breathe. I also am aware that was my own doing, I stayed busy on purpose. But now, I was away and got to go a layer deeper into my solitude and explore my own thoughts.

I had my first morning meditation on Monday, the teacher came to my room and sat on our cushions and began to guide me through meditation. Have you ever tried to meditate? Girl, you overthink literally everything how in the world can you stay focused on a damn breathe for more than 3 seconds? Shut up! I'm going to try. So that I did, "Breathe in, breathe out...bring awareness to your spine and sit up straight. Count 1,2,3 and stay relaxed" Within 2 minutes of "sitting up straight" my back was in physical pain from staying so proper. But, I pretended to not notice. 1, 2...did you remember to register your new TX plates to the complex?...SHUT UP, I'm meditating here! Wait, did I? You did, surely you did. It's like the meditation teacher was in my mind because very next he guides me, "If your mind wander, let it...let it be monkey but then slowly bring monkey back" What if her monkey is like never coming back? What if her monkey just swings from branch to branch, scratches its head because it forgot it was swinging and then remembered it was hungry so started thinking about breakfast? 

I'd imagine you understand the difficulty of the next 45 minutes, however I did it! And now it was time to go get breakfast Haha. After breakfast I wondered into Monkey Forest, or maybe it was the next day? Who knows what time is anyway. Either way, Monkey Forest is located in Ubud, pretty close to all the markets and shops and is a park area dedicated to the monkeys, you are not suppose to feed them and you are warned not to touch them. Heck no we ain't touching one no rabies shot here, I heard they bite! But aw, look how cute the baby one is?  Absolutely not! Fine. I begin to just wander around, aimlessly in any direction but it didn't matter because the monkeys were everywhere and were not bothered by human presence. They ranged in ages but it was inevitable they were "monkey-ing" around. I learned the whole concept first hand of what that meant...it meant that they just wanted to play, always wrestling, always picking (ants?) out of each others fur. Just doing what monkeys do.

As I began to take a selfie with one that was sitting there, the fucker jumped on my back! Ahhhhhhh, alert alert alert, panic, freak out, it's going to kill you, bite you in the neck and this is NOT the adventure story you wanted! "Keep walking" the man behind me shouted, "He will jump off" ...when you are in the midst of chaos and it's fight or flight, somehow you begin to take a strangers recommendation without question. Shayna, you would never survive a kidnapping. Anywho, I keep walking with surprisingly I had not been attacked yet, but he however, was quite comfortable back there. I then look back and he wasn't comfortable, he was trying to rob me! He was trying to unzip my backpack and get what? Sunburn cream? Buddy, I promise you it does not taste good.

He finally jumped off and then back on again. Ha, I was not interested in being friends...please remove yourself. Thank you! I wandered about a bit more then decided I had met my fair share of monkeys and wanted to sit down with a cold fresh pressed juice and a coconut. (they are plentiful here) Heaven I tell you. I must admit to you, I still to this point had yet to make friends, other than the chef at the retreat center that was so kind and talkative, however, I could only understand about half of his broken English. His kindness went further than any words though.

I ended up the next day going to what was called the Pyramids of Chi, which were 100 yards from the place I was staying. Pyramids, in Bali? Shouldn't those be in Egypt? They were actually tent like Pyramids, when I looked them up online they were hippie loving, yogi dancing, sound healing spiritual journey having pyramids of wonder. So, I signed up for Akashic Journey, it was 3 hours long and the description read "vinyasa" and sound bathe...sign me up! I know how to do that. Little did I know, an Akashic reader is someone who has access to the "records of souls" and delivers a spiritual message for you personally. I would love to get into detail of the thoughts that were going on in my head, but we can sum that up as "ya sure." We wrote down our full names and she took them to the corner to "receive the messages"...there was no computer back there and we did not preregister for this. Meanwhile, oh I forgot...the leaders of this journey was a beautiful Austrian couple who are everything you think of when you think Yogi Lovers. Where was I? Monkey brain monkey brain. She goes to receive the messages and her husband leads the 7 participants in a warm-up, which was a dance. Imagine, hippie yoga lovers dancing around a fire in all white loose earth friendly clothes, chanting and loving and free as a bird...except in a pyramid. THAT was Shayna. I came with an open mind and let loose. But like really, what the heck is she writing back there? 

She returns with the messages for each of us. Although I am going to keep the actual message private, I will say it was specific enough to where I was at in life to resonate. HOLY SHIT. Ok Ok, it basically said:

 "I am strong. I face this next period with love for my family to support them. I still need to listen to my needs. I am strong. Picture Note: Her as a bird flying to get worms to feed a circle of birds which are her family" ...or something like that.

I was reminding of where I am at in my journey. That I must be who I am, but do it with love. I must also not forget that my needs are just as important. It affirmed me that this time out from the world to be in Ubud, Bali...was EXACTLY where I was suppose to be.

After that, I journaled to try to write what I just felt and listen to my thoughts via written words. I had a massage scheduled for after that, then mediation at 6 PM. I intended to go into city center for dinner, but was so okay with the quietness of the world and listening to my own thoughts that I decided to order in. I played no music, I watched no video. As I mentioned, there was no TV. It was me, that bath tub and my thoughts. Zen AF. For all you older folks, "AF" refers to "as fuck"...it's what the cool kids say. I'd imagine in your day, it is equivalent to "totally dude" You're such an asshole Shayna, you know you are not the cool kid anymore...you old! 

I loved Ubud so much I decided to stay an extra day. Ubud was a unmatched naturally spiritual place the sparked a piece of most, that was innate to this village. It was a sanctuary for yoga, wellness, tranquility that was covered in a sheet of lush greenery.

The next morning I meditated for 50 whole minutes...5-freaking-0. There was not a shortage of numbness or mind wandering...but I sit still...focused on my breathe (and about 30 other thoughts) and finished 50 minutes of meditation. She's practically a monk. 

My time in Ubud was coming to an end, so I spent my last day doing a tour of all things "Eat, Pray, Love."

Although, I'm going to catch you up on the full day of spirit inspiring events of that day to begin Part 3: Reconnect.

Stay tuned.